How Perfectionism and People-Pleasing Fuel Disordered Eating
- abonillacounseling
- Apr 2
- 2 min read
Perfectionism and people-pleasing are often praised in our culture. Striving for excellence, being accommodating, and putting others' needs before our own can seem like admirable traits. However, when taken to the extreme, these tendencies can fuel disordered eating and make recovery more challenging.
The Connection Between Perfectionism and Disordered Eating
Perfectionism is characterized by high self-imposed standards, an intense fear of making mistakes, and harsh self-criticism. For many, food and body image become another domain where perfectionism manifests. This can look like rigid food rules, compulsive exercise, or the belief that achieving a certain body size will bring worthiness and acceptance.
Brene Brown explains how perfectionism often functions as a form of self-protection: "Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame".
Perfectionistic individuals may experience thoughts like:
"I have to eat perfectly or I’ve failed."
"If I don’t stick to my diet 100%, I’m out of control."
"My body has to fit the image in my head of the “perfect body” for me to feel good about myself."
This relentless pursuit of control can lead to restrictive eating patterns, binge-eating episodes, and heightened anxiety around food.
The Connection Between People-Pleasing and Disordered Eating
People-pleasing stems from a deep need for approval and fear of disappointing others. Many people who struggle with disordered eating feel pressure to conform to societal expectations or meet the unspoken standards of those around them.
People-pleasers may find themselves:
Eating in a way that aligns with what others expect rather than what their body needs.
Saying "yes" to diet culture pressures even when they don’t align with their values.
Suppressing their own hunger or cravings to avoid judgment.
Over time, this external focus leads to disconnection from internal cues like hunger, fullness, and satisfaction. Instead of eating intuitively, individuals may prioritize how others perceive them over their own well-being.
Does any of this sound familiar? If these patterns are negatively impacting your life, there is support for you. Let's connect by scheduling a FREE 15 minute phone consult.
Breaking Free: Healing from Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, and Disordered Eating
Recovery from disordered eating involves not only addressing food behaviors but also healing the underlying tendencies of perfectionism and people-pleasing. Here are a few ways to begin:
Practice Self-Compassion – The antidote to perfectionism is self-compassion and acceptance. Instead of criticizing yourself for perceived failures, acknowledge your struggles with kindness. Recognize that perfection is unattainable, and self-worth is not determined by food choices or body size.
Challenge Black-and-White Thinking – Notice all-or-nothing beliefs about food and body image. Work toward more flexible, balanced perspectives.
Reconnect with Your Needs – Tune into your hunger, fullness, and emotional needs rather than prioritizing external validation.
Set Boundaries – Learn to push back on diet culture messages, unsolicited body comments, or pressure to conform to unrealistic expectations.
Seek Support – Working with a therapist (like myself) who specializes in eating disorders and perfectionism can be transformative in breaking free from these patterns.
Final Thoughts
Perfectionism and people-pleasing can feel deeply ingrained, but recovery is possible. By cultivating self-compassion, setting boundaries, and reconnecting with your own needs, you can heal your relationship with food and your body.
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